


what's in a name

by UnluckiestFridays



Series: Series Twelve [4]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Angst, Dark Doctor (Doctor Who), Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-07
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22556206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UnluckiestFridays/pseuds/UnluckiestFridays
Summary: Since Spyfall, Graham has been curious as to who the Doctor is. He knows there's more to what she's already told them, so he decides to do a bit of his own research. Only, he finds a lot more than he bargained for.
Series: Series Twelve [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1593247
Comments: 11
Kudos: 135





	1. Chapter 1

There's a book, Graham soon comes to realise, about something called the Time War. Now, he's not sure what a Time War is but he's assuming it's something to do with time given its name. The Doc would know, he thinks, but would she even answer him? Or would she avoid his question like every other so far?

He already knows the answer to that, so he opens the thick book up and starts reading. The pages are aged well, thin and discoloured, fraying at the edges. The words are beginning to fade, but they're stil readable so he plows on.

It takes a couple of hours before he gets half way through, and by the time he does, he's hanging onto every word. He had been right with his earlier assumption. This war, this Time War, had once spread out across all of time and space, destroying everything in its wake, leaving nothing it touched whole.

Planets and entire species had suffered because of it and his heart burns with sympathy for them. As far as he can tell, they hadn't deserved any of it. This war had been between the Doc's race and the Daleks, and suddenly her reaction to that Dalek on New Years makes complete sense.

He'd be angry too if he saw a creature from the race that had near destroyed his own.

And, apparently, the Doc herself (or himself, back then) had fought in this war of the book is to be believed.

He turns one of the pages, his curiousity at levels it's never been before and hanging onto every word about this war and the Doctor.

He knows he should stop, it's an invasion of her privacy, prying into her past like this without permission. And reading this book, he thinks he understand why she's never given her permission before. He wouldn't want to talk about it either if he'd fought in a war as big as this one.

But he just wants to know more about this woman he's travelling with (he thinks he deserves that much, really) so, against hus better judgement, he flips the page and pushes his glasses further up his nose when they start to slip.

Then his hand freezes, fingertip pressed against the bridge of his nose, at the next words on the page. A new chapter, a whole new chapter about the Doctor.

The Doc's name is in bold print, a font similar to Time's New Roman, at the top of the page, with an elipse following after it.

His eyes move to the first paragraph, now gripping the corners of the book as he leans in a bit closer.

" _The Doctor,_ " it begins, " _or_ _-_ "

His eyes widen and he gawps at the page, at the words on the page. 

"What're you doin'?"

Graham startles and quickly steps back, heart beating a mile a minute. He turns and spots Ryan and Yaz in the doorway to the library. Their faces are confused and there's a crease in both of their brows.

Graham puts a hand to his heart. 

"Bleedin' hell, you two," he breathes, "don't do that."

"What're you doin'?" Yaz repeats her question as she and Ryan move further into the room and come to a stop in front of the podium holding the book.

"Yeah, you're actin' like you just been caught doin' something you shouldn't have been," Ryan points out jokingly.

"I think I just found he Doc's real name," Graham blurts out the points at the book.

"What?" Ryan and Yaz demand immediately then scramble to read the book.

They definitely shove each other a couple of times as they both move closer to the podium, but then they settle down and lean over the book much like Graham had previously.

There's silence between the trio as Ryan and Yaz stare at the page, their eyes not moving passed the first several words in the first paragraph.

Then Yaz leans back, eyebrows raised. 

"That's her name?" She wonders aloud.

"Apparently," Graham nods, "this whole book is about somethin' called the Time War. It was between the Doc's race and the Daleks, and happened all throughout time and space. It was ruthless and the Doc fought in it."

"Think that's why she hates guns?" Ryan asks as he leans back from the book to join the conversation.

"Explains why she reacted the way she did with that Dalek," Yaz adds.

"I wonder why she never told us her real name, though," Graham muses as he rounds the podium to stand opposite Ryan and Yaz, but still have view of the book.

"I mean, it is pretty long," Ryan jokes, "doubt I'd ever remember all of that."

Graham nods, considering. If his name was as long as that, he'd probably use something else too.

"True, but she must've used a nickname to shorten it, right?" Yaz shrugged. "I mean, there's no way everyone just went around calling her _that._ "

"Theta Sigma."

A fourth voice joins their discussion and the trio all jump, whirling around in surprise to find the Doctor stood in the doorway. Her face is neutral, closed off and her clenched fists are just hidden by her sleeves. 

She moves, striding into the room to join them.

"What?" Yaz asks when the Doctor approaches the podium.

"Theta Sigma. That's what the called me at the Academy," the Doctor reveals.

"You went to an Academy?" Graham asks warily.

"Why are you reading this? Where did you find it?" The Doctor avoids his question as she nods at the book.

"It was already there when I came in here, Doc, I swear," Graham quickly defends himself, "and these two only came in just before you."

"Why were you reading it?"

"Well, I dunno," Graham shrugs, "cause it was there, I suppose."

"Don't lie to me, Graham," the Doctor breathes, and Graham has to admit there's something terrifying about an angry Doctor. Her anger isn't explosive - not to begin with, anyway - it's more calm before the storm, style. "Don't ever think you are capable of lying to me. Why were you reading it?"

"I wanted to know more about you," Graham admits. 

"You had no right," the Doctor states immediately, as if she already knew what he'd been about to say and had pre-prepared a response.

"Why not?" Ryan buts in. "I mean, you know pretty much everything about us, why can't we know more about you? We tell you everything, but you tell us nothing."

"Some things are better left in the dark," the Doctor retorts. 


	2. Chapter 2

Graham doesn't really understand why the Doc is so private about her past. Yes, she'd apparently fought in this Time War, but he's known a few blokes in his time who've fought in wars, too, and they're not as conserved as she is. 

And he definitely doesn't understand why she's so secretive about her name. Though her actual name is too long and complicated for him to repeat (he finds himself kind of sad about this as it's such a beautiful name), the nickname Theta Sigma is just as beautiful and unique, and he thinks he'd probably prefer to call her that if she'd let him.

He doubts she will, though, considering she's been going about calling herself the Doctor.

And she stands in front of them all now, an expression nearing a scowl placed upon her features, looking eerily similar to that Master bloke who'd had moodswings faster than an approaching freight train.

There's this small tinge of fear that sits on his chest whenever the Doc gets like this (and lately, that's been happening more often than he'd like), and, for some reason, he has this urge to protect Ryan ans Yaz from her wrath even though he knows she'd never hurt them. Intentionally, anyway.

He knows this because she's put her own life on the line more times than he can count on two hands for the sake of himself, Ryan, and Yaz. She's the most selfless, kind-hearted, brave woman he's ever had the privilege of meeting (excluding Grace), but she's also the scariest when it comes down to it.

"What does that mean?" Yaz asks in response to her previous statement.

"Exactly what I said," the Doctor says, "some things are better left in the dark and need to stay that way."

"What's so bad about your name? I mean, yeah, it's really long, but why're you gettin' wo worked up about it? It's just a name," Ryan adds.

"You wouldn't understand," the Doctor states, "subjects such as this are too complicated for your tiny human brains to comprehend."

"Hey!" Graham immediately protests.

Yes, she's made offhand comments about humans being less intelligent than herself before, but never so outright and rudely. Graham has no dount in his mind that she really is smarter than him and the rest of humanity put together, but there's no need to be so rude about it. 

"I ain't havin' that," Graham continues, "it was just a silly old question, there's no need to have a go."

"No, it's not just a _silly old question_ , Graham," the Doctor suddenly hisses and takes a step forward. On instinct, Graham shuffles back a bit. "That question means more than your tiny brain could _possibly_ understand and going around _snooping_ in books that aren't meant for human eyes is a complete lack of respect for my privacy!"

"Oi, I already told you it was already here when I came in!" Graham snaps back defensively.

"It doesn't matter! The second you saw my name in there, you should have stopped reading!"

The Doctor is worked up now and Graham has the decency to feel ashamed. He might be a little frustrated and her words and what she's saying as she paces back and forth in from of them all, uncharacteristic anger flowing from her like pheremones, but he has to admit that maybe he shouldn't have been snooping in the first place.

He and the other two watch with surprise as their supposed pacifist mate rants and raves. They've never seen her so worked up before, not at them anyway, so they don't know what to do.

She's not even talking about the book or her name anymore. She's just angry.

Then she stops and puts a hand to her forehead, sighs.

"I should've known taking on three at once was a mistake," she mutters, "one is fine, two, bit of a push but I can manage it. Three, though? Clearly I didn't learn my lesson with Rickey."

"Who's Rickey?" Ryan dares to ask.

"Mickey," the Doctor says, facing them. 

"But you sai- nevermind," Ryan shakes his head.

"Look, Doc," Graham sighs, "I'm sorry I went lookin'. You're right, it was wrong of me. I didn't even think I was gonna find anything, if I'm bein' honest. But, still, I'm really sorry. I just hope we can put this all behind us in the past, now?"

Following his apology, there's silence between them all. The Doctor stands in front of them, hands still clenched by her sides as she gazes at them almost inquisitively. 

Then she looks away fro a split second before straightening up and looking back. 

"I'm sorry," she says.

"What? You ain't got nothing to be sorry for, cockle," Graham shakes his head.

"Yes, I have," she denies.

The Doctor steps forward, Graham and the other two watching her with confusion. 

She reaches a hand out towards Graham's head and he frowns. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading and for your lovely comments, I really appreciate it all :)
> 
> I don't usually self promote, but I just want to put out there that I have a YouTube channel under the same name I'm using here (UnluckiestFridays), and I've recently posted a Doctor Who video. It would mean the world to me if you checked it out. Seriously. And I hope you all find it as funny as I did when making it :p
> 
> Anyway, once again, thank you all so much for reading/ giving kudos/ commenting :) x


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